It was at one of my pregnancy yoga classes one day that I first heard of independent midwives and specifically,
Sue Rose. My first labour, seven years previously, had been an unpleasant affair: a long protracted labour, insensitively handled by hospital staff resulted in an epidural and left me emotionally scarred. So, I felt that using an independent midwife might be the solution to my anxieties about labour a second time.
When contemplating my next birth I was undecided whether a) I was completely unable to cope with pain and would need the pain relief available at a hospital or b) if handled with understanding I would not need to resort to such high levels of intervention as required previously. It was a yoga exercise that suggested the latter to me by illustrating the effect of positive thinking on my experience of pain and the detrimental effect of psychological tension on my ability to combat pain. This encouraged me to look into a homebirth, but with the assurance of having a midwife that knew my specific requirements and history.
After an initial consultation with Sue I decided that the right course of action was to pursue a homebirth, preferably using a birthing pool. During our numerous meetings we discussed my previous experience and my fears and my hopes for the impending birth, and my confidence increased. Importantly, we obtained my hospital notes from my previous labour. Reading these notes was a surprisingly emotional experience for me as I relived the feelings of inadequacy and frustration I had experienced in the hospital. I talked about my feelings with Sue and she managed, with a few rational observations, to dispel these negative emotions and restore my confidence. My consultations with Sue made me as sure as I could be that a relaxed environment was what I needed for a positive birth experience and I was absolutely certain that Sue was the person to facilitate that path.
When my labour did begin it was after a number of false starts. Over the course of a week I had several evenings, and some days, of contractions which would die away. As a consequence, when I actually went into full swing I wasn’t sure whether I was in established labour (my partner called Sue who heard my shouts in the background and was round in half an hour) in addition, these preliminary contractions meant that the first stage was extremely quick so that Sue arrived not a moment too soon. I was ready to transfer to the pool not long after Sue’s arrival.
My pain relief consisted of the soothing effects of the water and screaming as loudly as physically possible (which somehow my 7 year old daughter managed to sleep through!). Whilst the first stage was unbelievably quick the second stage was more protracted, but Sue always knew exactly what to say and because of my new understanding of what I needed psychologically in order to cope, I knew what and when to ask: I didn’t ask what my progress was when I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle anything but a positive answer; when I began to panic and couldn’t imagine the baby ever coming out except by caesarean I said ‘I need to know this baby’s going to come out!’ and when I felt like screaming ‘NO’ and giving up, I screamed ‘YES’ and tricked my mind into continuing to be positive!
My experience of labour and birth this time around was a truly wonderful one. Not only was the sense of inadequacy I had continued to experience with regard to my first labour replaced by a feeling of validation, but I even, somehow, managed to enjoy the experience, something I thought preposterous in the past. Furthermore, my baby seemed to find the process relatively untraumatic, she was calm and alert.
I know that my fantastic birth experience was due to the fact that I was able to develop a relationship with my midwife that enabled her to fully engage with my anxieties and needs and which enabled me to approach the birth with confidence.
Julia Kidd
July 2005
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